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After my chemical pregnancy in November, I had an annovulatory cycle. This put off the EFT, and switched me from cycling in January to cycling in February. In January (on CD 13 to be exact), I went in for my 3D saline sono and we happened to see 11-12 antral follicles. Holy shit. With numbers like that I could make it rain eggs. And so I entered my baseline this morning full of hope and optimism.
Actually, I'm full of shit. Since school started my anxiety has been out of control, which was compounded by the anticipation of my Dr. KK and EFT results, which was further compounded by average IVF stressors, which was further compounded by the fact that MY FUCKING FERTILITY CLINIC IS CLOSING!!!! I can't even get into that now, but trust me, that information took the pile of shit I was wading through and made it look like a sun shiny day.
Anyways, in true "my luck is absolute shit" fashion, I rolled up to my baseline appointment ahead of a winter snow storm. The only clinic that would monitor me locally and go through my insurance was Mass General Hospital (MGH). The doctors do the monitoring there, which is a huge shift from Boston IVF and meant I had to wait for the doctor to see me. I was fairly convinced that I had been left for dead in the ultrasound room, and had begun napping with my feet in the stirrups, when the doctor graced me with her presence. She was so sugary sweet to me and it was so disingenuous, but whatever. She proceeded to tell me I had a cyst on my right ovary (no shit), and when I pointed out that it's actually 2 cysts, and that they are endometriomas, she proceeded to educate me about how we "won't know how much the cyst is impacting my cycle because I'm already on estrogen." Ugh yea, lady, about that, they're effing endometriomas and they're fine. Way to listen.
Mostly though, I wasn't aware that the doctor required the use of a medical assistant to write down my follicle measurements. Which meant she had to verbalize all of the follicle information. Which meant I heard it. I can't believe I forgot to tell them I didn't want to know anything about my numbers. It leads to personal disaster. My baseline AFC was three. Yup, 3.
Apparently my old clinic categorized my last baseline AFC as "2-4" follicles on each ovary...so I could have been anywhere between 4 to 8, which would make my paltry 3 seem not so bad if I was on the 4 side of things last time. In any event, I ugly cried all day, threatened to cancel the cycle, threatened to stop fertility treatments altogether. Oh, and I decided a blizzard would be a great time to take up running...while donning a parka and winter boots. Mind you, I haven't worked out since August 2014. When running lasted about 10 seconds, I switched to power-walking around my neighborhood for about an hour and a half listening to my favorite angry songs from college....still in a blizzard.
We decided to proceed with the cycle. I'm seeking confirmation, but it seems like I can cancel at any point before retrieval and it won't affect the number of cycles I'm allowed by insurance. So if my follicle count doesn't increase, we'll cut this cycle loose. If we make it to retrieval and have a shit amount of embryos (again) I'll be so disappointed. Especially if my EFT results come back that I need depot lupron because it takes about 6 months for the lupron to leave your system, so after one FET post-lupron, we'll have to wait about 5 more months before we can stim again.
I'm so frustrated and sad about this. I had the highest of hopes by getting all of this testing and switching to SIRM and Dr. Wang, and so far, all it's brought me is additional waiting, profound disappointment and intense stress. It's not funny now. I really need a break. IVF has been a series of disappointments and bad news and there truly is only so much of that someone can take before they break.
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