The Luck of the Infertile

     I'm a graduate teaching assistant (TA) and today we had our pre-semester training. One of the girls I TA with did IVF last semester due to male factor infertility (MFI). Long story short, we commiserated over our infertility journeys and then she went on to get knocked up during her first IVF and sock away 10 frosties!!! For a DOR girl who is now headed to IVF #3, I think she can eff off. Nothing against her, I just think that women who get pregnant on their first IVF AND have a fucking trillion frozen embryos are "the infertility fertile." She'll get her whole family on those embryos and then some while I'm all over here with jack shit.

     Mostly, I'm pissed at her because after I told her I was having a chemical pregnancy (in November), she immediately went on to tell me how her betas were so high they called her in for an early u/s to make sure everything was ok. And they saw everything they needed to. But, she was nervous because there was no heartbeat...at like 5w1d pregnant when its very much not expected to see one and she knows it. Fuck her.

      I may or may not have gone home after that encournter and collapsed into a breakdown of epic proportions. It was seriously my lowest moment in infertility. Luckily, I've rebounded a bit from that, but my world spins on a shaky axis, which is already slightly off-kilter due to the birth of my friends baby earlier this week.

     Anyways, my plan for the day was to avoid her. I just can't. Seriously. So, I was doing a great job directing my attention to my phone and pointing my glare in the opposite direction when another TA walks in and she's visibly fucking pregnant. WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK?!

Ok, fine. Sneak attack. I can deal. Right?? Wrong. My boss then proceeds to notice the pregnancy, squeeee about it for ten damn minutes, repeatedly bring it up throughout the day, and then  facilitate a baby conversation that went on forever. Ugh. Not today. Not now. Not when I'm on shaky ground. Not when my anxiety is sky-high, not when my cycle is starting and test results from Dr. Kwak-Kim are going to come rolling in.

Obviously I don't expect the world to revolve around me, but would it kill the world to throw me an infertility softball one of these days?